~hum·bug~

[huhm-buhg] http://dictionary.reference.com/

noun

1. something intended to delude or deceive.

2. the quality of falseness or deception.

3. something devoid of sense or meaning; nonsense

As defined above, @dictionary.com.  I actually was correct in saying “Bah Humbug” to Valentines day.

I’ve been on the planet now for 49 Valentine’s days. My first “memory” of this red and pink hearted laden “holiday” since kindergarten. I remember having to sign my name to over a dozen of these little store bought cards, put a few candy hearts in the teeny envelopes, bring the pink frosted cupcakes to school that my Mom made, and share all this sweet sappy stuff with all my classmates. I remember that we cut the study part of the day short, and made time to exchange the little cards with each other. (ANY excuse to not have to do schoolwork, right?) Kind of a weird tradition, that carried on through grade school.

Then, I had my first “serious” relationship (at the age of 15) and Valentines day became something a little different. In the mind of a young teenaged girl, swooning with the idea of romance, hey now- I was “in looove” !,  I anxiously awaited a meaningful card, the flowers, (roses of COURSE! red or pink, or BOTH!) and perhaps romantic planned afternoon at the beach. The guy I was dating at the time, was a few years older, and he actually delivered those trivial, expected things, along with a little stuffed bear with a heart collar, AND he gave me a little silver heart locket necklace.

I was over the MOON, as none of my friends got ANYTHING quite so “meaningful and romantic” which, probably had a lot to do with dating the older guy, who had a job, and a car to go get the stuff. Meh, it was good at the time, and I admit, the gesture was sincere, and met all the social requirements to make a girl feel special, and loved. At that time, (I thought) it MEANT something IMPORTANT, about LOVE, and our “relationship”.

Since social networking has been a relatively large part of my life, as I was based in a warzone for many years, and it was my only connection to the “real world” back home, I worked in a male dominated industry. I was privy to so many conversations, and it was then, amongst the guys, working with them, “band of brothers” and all that jazz, when I started having a different take on Valentines day. The PRESSURE that ALL these guys were under from this holiday, was unbelievable. It’s like this obligatory thing that they were programmed to take care of, no matter what our work was entailing, but “better get that sorted out rather than suffer the wrath” of NOT sending a dozen roses, or the token box of chocolates. It made me sad, to think these guys (and I ) were over there working our asses off, in a war zone, and people back at home, living off the fruits of the guys labors, were whining that they didn’t get flowers, or jewelry??….hmmm?  and I digress..

Here, is where some may start to think my view becomes “bitter” or “jaded”, but it’s simply my take on it.

When I pull my unrealistic “girly” media fed interpretation, of the IDEA of romance, and “LOVE” the one where I am visualizing it’s all a “bowl of cherries”, with hearts, and flowers, rainbows and butterflies, you know the bubble?  Then, being the realist kicks in. This is when reality kicks in, and I let go of all expectation, as having no expectation, leads to no disappointment. We truly set ourselves up for disappointment.

Relationships are not ABOUT “stuff”, flowers, romance, not all the time, I mean you can have moments, for sure, but for REAL… RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T LIKE THE MOVIES IN REAL LIFE.. it’s sad, for SO many ( especially women) as there is that false expectation that our society has set.. and because Valentines day, is an entire 24 hour period that capitalizes on this very thing.

Society has SET the Valentines day EXPECTATION for people to “proclaim it so”. The worst part, is that Valentines day seems to almost be a “set up”, especially for the GUYS, as the women are the ones with the delusional expectations that this “Hallmark holiday” deems worthy ( ie: roses, cards, jewelry, chocolate, romantic dinners, trips, lingerie, etc.) all of which are generating $$$ for said “things” to express “love”. The bad part of this, is when the guys DON’T meet the females expectation, it leads to disappointment.

It is truly a retail oriented, vicious, circle. DON’T HATE now, this is just my take on it.

Bottom line, Valentines day is all about boosting the economy after the Christmas holiday, let’s face it, people are still in debt over those weeks starting in December. Actually, that entire time period, starting the day after Thanksgiving, becomes a frenzied retail money generating “hallmark holiday”.

Valentines day was strategically placed almost 8 weeks after the December holidays, to allow retailers to market their various Valentines wares. The flower shops are in hog heaven, as are the card shops, jewelry stores, lingerie shops, and chocolatier’s everywhere. Restaurants are all booked with “dinner for 2 “ reservations, and even air travel increases drastically, especially if Valentines day falls on a weekend.

It’s a well thought out plan actually. It is a globally marketed, economic, internationally recognized and legal “scam” to get people to spend money on all these things (ie: cards, gifts, trinkets, and flowers etc) to make someone fell “loved”. And, if you DON’T buy into that, then someone’s (most likely, a females) feelings get hurt. The other part of this, is what about the people who are single?, recently widowed, or divorced?, what about them? How does this “holiday” affect these people? Especially females?  Just a thought. It is sad.

And to close out on a happy note, of GRATITUDE. Fast forward to now.

After raising 2 amazing healthy, happy, intelligent adult aged daughters, and moving on after some failed marriages (that I learned so much from!), today- I’m a happily married gal (we are almost at 5 years).

I truly believe this is my LAST attempt at “getting it right”. I’m the girl, who after ALL these years, finally got to marry her best friend. I have found, that I truly have zero expectations of him. I don’t need a Valentines day card, or a trivial gift to feel loved and cherished. Daily, I practice gratitude, love, kindness and respect every day, and I get the same in return, every day. Celebrate your love, and relationships EVERY DAY, not just on Valentines day. It is far more valuable, and sincere, and appreciated, and it’s EVERY day, and it’s FREE.   Namaste’